


All I Ever Do Is Run

by lucianowriter



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Episode: s04e09 The Olive Branch, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-18 07:42:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21590929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucianowriter/pseuds/lucianowriter
Summary: A post-Olive Branch discussion. Patrick opens up his Rachel box and David supports him."I'd rather pretend I'm something better than these broken parts.Pretend I'm something other than this mess that I am.'Cause then I don't have to look at it.And no one gets to look at it.No, no one can really see."
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 9
Kudos: 87





	All I Ever Do Is Run

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song Words Fail from Dear Evan Hansen. 
> 
> I would like to thank Emma for bringing this thought process into the universe. She sent me the lyrics and stated they were Patrick pre-David.
> 
> This is the end result of that discussion.

The final bars of Tina Turner fade out and David collapses to the floor full of joy and passion. The enormity of it all crashes in on Patrick and he feels tears prick his eyes. Instead of fighting them back he lets them flow. 

His whole life, Patrick was running. Running from himself while running toward an idea he thought was his to hold. He didn't realize it at the time, but even his relationship with Rachel was defined by running. Every moment they shared he was running away from the hidden truth within himself. The more he kissed her and held her the more he willed that part of him away.

Until he ran away from that life completely. Schitt's Creek taught him he didn't have to run away anymore. Instead, he could safely and calmly walk toward who he was meant to be all along. David gave him permission to stand still.

He reaches forward and grabs David into his arms for the embrace he desperately needs. Having David this close to him gives him strength enough to talk about the thoughts he'd kept wrestled inside for so long. He knew that David would never hate him or invalidate him for how he'd felt for so long.

David's lips find his and they are kissing, but it's all wrong. Patrick can't commit to this level of intimacy until they talk. Locking things up because finding the proper words was too hard is how they got in this mess to begin with.

"We need to talk. We can't keep locking our pasts up in boxes because it's hard." Patrick puts some distance between himself and David. 

He's more than happy to have David back after such an unsteady week, but he also knows that he needs the space to collect his thoughts.

"You told me you are damaged goods. What if I'm damaged too?" Patrick starts again, this time hoping David will respond.

Instead of using words to convey his thoughts, David quirks his eyebrow. For Patrick that tells him all he needs to know, David doesn't believe him but he cares enough to not tell him so.

"I am. From the moment I met Rachel and we started dating pieces of who I am fell away. Until the moment I woke up engaged to her and feeling like a shell of a person. You want to know the worst part? I had gotten so good at faking a smile that no one knew just how broken I was."

Patrick steals another glance toward David. The man is staring at Patrick with such an intensity that he could easily go up in flames. But unlike the angry/hurt intensity that had graced Rachel's features when they broke their engagement, David's was filled with love and understanding.

"I think that's why no one saw my move coming. It's also probably why Rachel couldn't take me at my word when I had told her this time was final; that there was no going back for us. I'm not good with words. I'd rather pretend than talk about my feelings." Patrick pauses and releases a breath he'd been holding.

"So you've been pretending?" David's words come out small and broken, "this whole time?"

"What?! No." Patrick sighs. Once again his words aren't coming out right. He pushes through, "I meant before I came here. In my old life, I never had a reason to push through the awkwardness and be genuine or honest."

David just nods and motions his head as encouragement for Patrick to continue. 

"I should have told you about Rachel, but my experience told me to hold onto this secret because I was afraid. Just like with Rachel and my fear of my truth, I was afraid that you'd hear my words and see the worst part of me. Then you'd hate me as much as I hated myself."

"Then the longer we spent time together the more comfortable I felt with you. Despite my secret I felt more alive with you than I'd ever felt before and a part of me thought you never needed to know. That if this version of me was all that you saw I could be my best self." Patrick finishes and stares at his hands.

"Patrick, don't you see it? By denying me access to Rachel you denied me one of the biggest parts of who you are." David reaches up and cups Patrick's cheek. "Who you were with her is just as much a part of who you are as who you are with me."

"I realize that now. I hurt you just as I hurt her by not talking. That alone hurt me more than your rejection." Patrick admits.

"I've spent so long hiding off a part of who I am that I've learned to run away before it all gets revealed. Then I met you David and everything just fell into place. I was safe and warm and happy. I didn't want anything to ruin that." Patrick wants to break their gaze, but David refuses to let go of his face.

"You know I'm not really into that hokey stuff like fate and such. But I do think our paths crossed because the universe felt we needed something to help us step out of the dark." David's voice is the most sincere Patrick has ever heard from him. "Maybe we are both damaged so that together we can make something whole and pure.

Patrick releases a wet laugh, "Who are you and what have you done with David Rose?"

Instead of answering, David pulls Patrick into his chest. He just holds Patrick there, their bodies melting into one. Patrick knows there is more to be said. But, unlike with Rachel he feels the future expand out in front of him unlimited. He has time to explore it all. 

He doesn't have to hide anymore. David is like coming home. He's his true north. Patrick could say all of this, but the lump in his throat prevents it. He's no longer afraid because he knows there doesn't always have to be a discussion.

Sometimes words aren't needed. Sometimes a look or a touch says more than words ever could. With David the silence is a golden ray of light.


End file.
